Inappropriate Comments People Make When They Find Out I’m Pregnant with Twins
By Kristyn Hodgdon, Founder, The Fertility Tribe
For some reason during pregnancy, people feel the need to make comments or ask questions that would normally be deemed too personal in almost any other situation. Since I announced my twin pregnancy, it never ceases to amaze me the questions people have the nerve to ask me about how they were conceived or the comments they make about how much work twins are going to be. Don’t get me wrong, every now and then I’ll have someone say, “Twins are such a blessing!”, but it’s usually someone who has twins in their family or who is a parent of multiples themselves. When those people come along I could almost cry with happiness, but the rest of the time I get questions or comments like these that cause me to shake my head:
1. “Were they conceived naturally?” or “Do twins run in your family?”
It always surprises me when people ask me if my twins were conceived naturally. I have always been very open to family and friends about our struggles with infertility, but often this question will come from strangers or acquaintances, and it catches me off guard every time.
How I respond really depends on who is asking. If it’s someone I feel comfortable enough with I will admit to having done IVF, because that is my story and I am proud of how my children were conceived. But if it’s someone that I feel has no business asking this type of personal question I simply say, “They were a big surprise!,” not because I don’t want them to know I did IVF, but because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing. Ha!
2. ”Now you don’t have to have any more kids!”
Almost every time I tell someone I am having boy/girl twins they say, "Now you don’t have to have any more kids!” or “One of each! Now you can be done!” What they don’t know is that I have always wanted 3 kids. What they also don’t know is that I went through a lot to get to this point and still have several frozen embryos left, so thankfully I have the option to have more kids if I want to. Also, can I please have these babies first before you decide that I’m done having kids? Thanks.
3. You’re going to have your hands full!” or “You’re never going to sleep again!”
It always makes me laugh when people tell me how I’m going to have my hands full with twins, as if I have a choice in the matter. I’m 32 weeks pregnant--there’s no going back now! These are also our first babies, so we have nothing else to compare it to. After struggling to conceive for so long, I am just grateful to have been blessed with this twin pregnancy, so I’m not stressing about how much work they are going to be. I’m just excited for how much love they are going to bring to our lives!
4. Wow, you look like you’re about to pop!”
I read somewhere recently that at 30 weeks, a twin pregnancy is the equivalent of being full-term with a single baby, so that means I’m about 46 weeks pregnant right about now (hahaha!). I also started showing a lot earlier on in my pregnancy than I would have if I were pregnant with a singleton, so I have been getting a lot of unwarranted comments about my growing belly since the beginning. Thankfully, most people have been very complimentary, but hearing how big you’ve grown in such a short amount of time is never fun to hear, and in my opinion people should keep those comments to themselves!
In all seriousness, I am mostly poking fun here. I know that most people mean well when they make these comments or ask these questions, but sometimes I do find myself being more sensitive after everything I went through to get pregnant.
Still, I think getting unwarranted comments and questions is just a part of pregnancy, and I know I'll probably miss all of the attention when it's over. Although I have actually heard from other twin moms that the comments and questions are ten-fold once you actually have your twins, so maybe I should just get used to it!
I especially can’t wait for people to ask me if my boy/girl twins are identical! Ha!